The truth can be harsh. And the truth is, I am alone in this world. No matter how many friends I have, in the end I will fall back alone. Yes, they are there to support you. But how much further will they go to support you? Will they hold the sky for you when it falls? Or will they say, "I will be in spirit with you! Just hold on!"? A friend is a friend. They are meant to support you mentally. They are not who clean up after you after you made a mess.
We all have our obligations. Friends could be with you one second, but the other second they could be away. So you have to always be able to stand on your own. Be strong, be independent.
I am a social creature. Yet I am afraid of opening up to new things.
I am desperately in need of friends. Yet I am afraid of asking for one.
When I am told that I will be living alone, I was lost. All of a sudden the path that I was walking on disappeared. The person I was holding on to all the time was gone. I was left in darkness.
I was depressed. Being alone hurts me most.
Am I not able to walk on my own? Have I always been walking on others' feet, letting them carry me wherever I go, with me just compromising them?
Maybe.
That is why I have not been able to make my own decision. I don't know what's good for me. I don't know what I want.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
But I cannot.
Sometimes I just want to say in people's face:
You are ugly.
You are fat.
You are fussy.
You sleep too much.
You talk too much.
Shut up.
I am the best.
I am the prettiest.
I am the nicest.
You are nothing compared to me.
You are a loser.
I play the piano better than you.
I hate your face.
I hate the way you talk.
You are irritating.
You are annoying.
But I cannot.
You are ugly.
You are fat.
You are fussy.
You sleep too much.
You talk too much.
Shut up.
I am the best.
I am the prettiest.
I am the nicest.
You are nothing compared to me.
You are a loser.
I play the piano better than you.
I hate your face.
I hate the way you talk.
You are irritating.
You are annoying.
But I cannot.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Home
I've been thinking about this a lot. Four more months til I get home and what I should do when I get back.
Stay in for one whole week. Explore my new house, rolling on my new bed, chase after my dogs, spear my own fishes.
Go to the gym. But in order to do that I must get used to driving again. Else I'll need to walk in extremely hot weather or learn how to take a bus.
Create a 10 course meal for dinner. It can be that, or have a 10 course meal at a Chinese restaurant. <3
Be Queen for a day. Do whatever I want. HEE.
Eat roti canai for breakfast! Since I'll be arriving at 6am. WOOHOO.
Stay in for one whole week. Explore my new house, rolling on my new bed, chase after my dogs, spear my own fishes.
Go to the gym. But in order to do that I must get used to driving again. Else I'll need to walk in extremely hot weather or learn how to take a bus.
Create a 10 course meal for dinner. It can be that, or have a 10 course meal at a Chinese restaurant. <3
Be Queen for a day. Do whatever I want. HEE.
Eat roti canai for breakfast! Since I'll be arriving at 6am. WOOHOO.
Friday, December 31, 2010
3 and a half hours til the end of 2010.
Ma ne (Well), I was kind of hoping I could end 2010 with a blast. Guess that couldn't be done anymore.
My 2010 has been an awesome one. So what if it doesn't have a perfect ending to it?
In this year, I met a lot of new people, met lotsa new friends. Had crushes, had my heartbroken, or rather, it was self ignite. I got a job, quit a job and entered a new college. I came to a place that is ever so new. I had to adapt myself to the new culture. I became independent, with my parents not around to help me.
I am a person who usually knows what I want. I also know what I need to improve over the new year. I'm going to make a short but essential new year resolution.
1. Make more new friends
2. I tend to hide up my feelings. I need to be more open about how I feel of people.
3. Stop being jealous of everything I don't have. Because I already have most things one could ever dream of.
4. Appreciate my friends more than finding fault in them. Learn to forgive.
5. Climb up when you fall. Everything's gonna be alright. :)
Happy New Year 2011 everyone. :) Have a great year ahead. I'm sure it will be. If only you believe. But don't just dream. Make it happen. ;)
Ma ne (Well), I was kind of hoping I could end 2010 with a blast. Guess that couldn't be done anymore.
My 2010 has been an awesome one. So what if it doesn't have a perfect ending to it?
In this year, I met a lot of new people, met lotsa new friends. Had crushes, had my heartbroken, or rather, it was self ignite. I got a job, quit a job and entered a new college. I came to a place that is ever so new. I had to adapt myself to the new culture. I became independent, with my parents not around to help me.
I am a person who usually knows what I want. I also know what I need to improve over the new year. I'm going to make a short but essential new year resolution.
1. Make more new friends
2. I tend to hide up my feelings. I need to be more open about how I feel of people.
3. Stop being jealous of everything I don't have. Because I already have most things one could ever dream of.
4. Appreciate my friends more than finding fault in them. Learn to forgive.
5. Climb up when you fall. Everything's gonna be alright. :)
Happy New Year 2011 everyone. :) Have a great year ahead. I'm sure it will be. If only you believe. But don't just dream. Make it happen. ;)
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wow.
The last post was written in November. I see. I have abandoned this blog for a long time now. If, one month is even considered long.
I'm not even sure if there is anyone reading this anymore. But to those of you who still looks out for an update of my life, this post is definitely what you're looking for.
To start off, I'd like to let you know that it is the finals week of the Fall semester. Projects are due this week and final exams kicked off this morning (though some may have started last week). I'm just stealing some time to write a blog post. You can also call this procrastination. :P
Since the day I arrived here. I realized a drastic change in my internet life. I used to appear on msn every single day but today, I don't even bother to check my msn anymore. In fact, it's Facebook everyday now. So I'm a FB addict. So what? Everyone is. You are one too. :P
I live in a place filled with great musicians, which also gives me motivation to do things I've never thought of doing before. Recently, I want to write songs and also remix songs. The thoughts came after listening to people's work. I thought they were great and I can do that too. I would definitely give it a try after finals.
I had some tunes rearranged for my projects. It may not be the greatest work on Earth, but I thought I did pretty well. It's all up to you to judge. If you would, please click here to listen. :)
Ever since I started having private instructions in Berklee, I realized how bad my techniques were. Eew. I suck. :/ But that doesn't matter. Because I am working hard. And I will improve. The only matter is, how long will it take?
Berklee is truly an amazing place. Boston is amazing. The United States is fucking amazing. I love being here. I met lots of new people here. They may differ in terms of culture, race and skin colour. But they definitely have something in common. They are nice.
As much as I love being here, I really do miss the luxuries I have at home. Having your dishes washed by someone is one of them. Throw your dirty clothes in the laundry basket and have them clean and nicely folded in the closet the next day. Unmade bed? Dirty floor? Come back to your room after breakfast and see the floor sparkle like jewels and the bed nicely made. Oh, the luxuries. Of course I do miss my parents as well. Who else would drive me to supper? And my grandmother. I bother her when I'm bored. And my brother. I annoy the hell outta him and get a good laugh. xD
There seems to be a little health problem here. But everything's going to be fine. I know it. :)
That pretty much summarizes up my absence for the whole month or more. It would mark the starting of my first winter break end of this week. And I hope to be in New York in the holidays.
I have Conducting final tomorrow at 9am, three other exams and one audition coming up. Good luck to me. And good luck to you!
I'm not even sure if there is anyone reading this anymore. But to those of you who still looks out for an update of my life, this post is definitely what you're looking for.
To start off, I'd like to let you know that it is the finals week of the Fall semester. Projects are due this week and final exams kicked off this morning (though some may have started last week). I'm just stealing some time to write a blog post. You can also call this procrastination. :P
Since the day I arrived here. I realized a drastic change in my internet life. I used to appear on msn every single day but today, I don't even bother to check my msn anymore. In fact, it's Facebook everyday now. So I'm a FB addict. So what? Everyone is. You are one too. :P
I live in a place filled with great musicians, which also gives me motivation to do things I've never thought of doing before. Recently, I want to write songs and also remix songs. The thoughts came after listening to people's work. I thought they were great and I can do that too. I would definitely give it a try after finals.
I had some tunes rearranged for my projects. It may not be the greatest work on Earth, but I thought I did pretty well. It's all up to you to judge. If you would, please click here to listen. :)
Ever since I started having private instructions in Berklee, I realized how bad my techniques were. Eew. I suck. :/ But that doesn't matter. Because I am working hard. And I will improve. The only matter is, how long will it take?
Berklee is truly an amazing place. Boston is amazing. The United States is fucking amazing. I love being here. I met lots of new people here. They may differ in terms of culture, race and skin colour. But they definitely have something in common. They are nice.
As much as I love being here, I really do miss the luxuries I have at home. Having your dishes washed by someone is one of them. Throw your dirty clothes in the laundry basket and have them clean and nicely folded in the closet the next day. Unmade bed? Dirty floor? Come back to your room after breakfast and see the floor sparkle like jewels and the bed nicely made. Oh, the luxuries. Of course I do miss my parents as well. Who else would drive me to supper? And my grandmother. I bother her when I'm bored. And my brother. I annoy the hell outta him and get a good laugh. xD
There seems to be a little health problem here. But everything's going to be fine. I know it. :)
That pretty much summarizes up my absence for the whole month or more. It would mark the starting of my first winter break end of this week. And I hope to be in New York in the holidays.
I have Conducting final tomorrow at 9am, three other exams and one audition coming up. Good luck to me. And good luck to you!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Home
It feels as though time is slipping away
As I lie down on the bed
As my tears subside
Images play in my mind
If only I could turn back time
It wasn't a good day
In fact a lonely day
At times like this
I just want to go home
In the end
Everyone falls back alone
But I have a place to go
I want to go home...
As I lie down on the bed
As my tears subside
Images play in my mind
If only I could turn back time
It wasn't a good day
In fact a lonely day
At times like this
I just want to go home
In the end
Everyone falls back alone
But I have a place to go
I want to go home...
Friday, September 24, 2010
One Word
BUSY. B.U.S.Y.
Busy.
To summarize it all, there's tons of homework, tons of reading, need to spend a lot of time practicing, but all for my own good. So no complaints so far. :)
Teachers are awesome, met new friends, life is good in Boston.
I'm having a great time here. I'm well fed (but not growing horizontally yet).
Today's a Friday which also means HOLIDAY. Cuz I have no class. And I will be locking myself at home doing assignments and then lock myself in the practice room.
Okay. Gotta go do my hair now. Bye bye.
Busy.
To summarize it all, there's tons of homework, tons of reading, need to spend a lot of time practicing, but all for my own good. So no complaints so far. :)
Teachers are awesome, met new friends, life is good in Boston.
I'm having a great time here. I'm well fed (but not growing horizontally yet).
Today's a Friday which also means HOLIDAY. Cuz I have no class. And I will be locking myself at home doing assignments and then lock myself in the practice room.
Okay. Gotta go do my hair now. Bye bye.
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