Less than a week has passed but it felt like a year.

My heart is dying to know.

Today is a normal day.

WILL BE. 

MUST BE.

Wait, Wan Ying. Wait. Don't let your imaginations run wild.

Live your life like normal. Like nothing has ever changed.

Wishing for the same thing every year but never came true.

Maybe it's time to stop?

Near or far?

Put more effort or go with the flow?

If I show some effort, would you give me what I want?

Bothered. Over analyzing.

I should stop.

Give me a sign. Show me some hope.

Please let me know.

I never thought I'd feel like this again.

It should stop.

It has to stop.

This must stop.

Wanting something so badly in life, something that my parents cannot give me, but can never bring myself to fight for it is painful.

I lost to my pride. I know. But I don't do anything about it. This makes me feel so stupid.

Look at them, so sweet. Aww.

I hang out with my girls, yet there's still a hole that needs to be filled. I love my girls, I really do. But I need something more. Something that they cannot give me. Something that I need to fight for myself.

I wish I was born lucky. I wish I was born optimistic. I wish I was born a happy person. I wish for so many things... That I may not be. I wish for somethings that may not come true.

I believe in luck, fate. I give up easily.

I struggle.

Am I a happy person?

I don't know.

I just can't say, I really want to be in love.

CHAN WAN YING!!!! YOU ARE SO HOPELESS SOOOOOOOOO HOPELESS

I HATE YOU

BYE

I am back in Boston once more. But never have I thought I will be so homesick this time around. It's been a week and I still want to go home. It just feels sad and lonely around here. My friends are living far away from me so we hardly meet. Even if I did try to ask them out, it's not likely that they will say yes. I just wish I could be back home. I can't blend into the western culture here. It's hard to make friends with them. I have to admit I am starting to feel annoying with the accent, how they are being nice to you in front of you but otherwise behind your back. So they aren't truly nice westerners, I'm going back home.

I might have only seen a small portion of this country. But coming back this time tells me that this is not my place to be. I can't work with the people here. I do not understand them and I am afraid. This is not my comfortable zone at all.

Just wish I could go home right now... Everytime I talk to my parents they had to be stuck in the computer screen. That's just not 3D enough.