CHAN WAN YING!!!! YOU ARE SO HOPELESS SOOOOOOOOO HOPELESS

I HATE YOU

BYE

I am back in Boston once more. But never have I thought I will be so homesick this time around. It's been a week and I still want to go home. It just feels sad and lonely around here. My friends are living far away from me so we hardly meet. Even if I did try to ask them out, it's not likely that they will say yes. I just wish I could be back home. I can't blend into the western culture here. It's hard to make friends with them. I have to admit I am starting to feel annoying with the accent, how they are being nice to you in front of you but otherwise behind your back. So they aren't truly nice westerners, I'm going back home.

I might have only seen a small portion of this country. But coming back this time tells me that this is not my place to be. I can't work with the people here. I do not understand them and I am afraid. This is not my comfortable zone at all.

Just wish I could go home right now... Everytime I talk to my parents they had to be stuck in the computer screen. That's just not 3D enough.

It's been a while

I can't believe how long I haven't been to this site! Let alone, updating it.

How are you?

I guess I'm pretty good. Been back for the summer for about 2 months, now one more month before I get back to the land of freedom.

What are you up to?

A few projects came up, which I was a part of, in front and behind the camera, so I've been working on that since the day I came home. Now with the shootings all done, it pretty much ended and I'm free again.

Also, visited China and Hong Kong and returned to the boring life of Summer. However, after watching Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part II, which is also the last film of Harry Potter, I noticed two tall identical figures that I have never set my eyes upon before. That's right. They're the Weasley twins. Also known as James and Oliver Phelps, the Phelps twins in real life. Yup. The reason I'm up here today is to tell you about my obsession over this pair of twins!

Honestly, I haven't been this obsessed with a certain thing, or a certain person before, but these twins are handsome! Cute! Gorgeous! They're funny, like Fred and George Weasley, they crack jokes, play pranks on sets. They're just plain awesome. Did I tell you that they're handsome too?

I've been digging out their interviews and scenes in every HP movies for the past few weeks and still doing it. Probably because I have the time and I love them. To tell you the truth, I never read any of the HP books before. I did watch the first and second HP films, but the rest I just fell asleep in the cinema halfway through the movie. But when I saw these two pranksters, I know I'm in love. I knew I had to read the books and watch every HP movie to find out what Fred & George were up to from the start.

Lookit em! Aren't they adorable?

Cheers! :)

So I'm missing out a lot in the Summer.
So no one wants to hang out with me.
So no one appreciates me.
So I'm not fun enough.
So I couldn't take jokes.
So I am defensive.
So I am not good in talking.
So I am bad in communicating.

So I am going to hide in my shell.
No sun, no one, no summer.

The truth can be harsh. And the truth is, I am alone in this world. No matter how many friends I have, in the end I will fall back alone. Yes, they are there to support you. But how much further will they go to support you? Will they hold the sky for you when it falls? Or will they say, "I will be in spirit with you! Just hold on!"? A friend is a friend. They are meant to support you mentally. They are not who clean up after you after you made a mess.

We all have our obligations. Friends could be with you one second, but the other second they could be away. So you have to always be able to stand on your own. Be strong, be independent.

I am a social creature. Yet I am afraid of opening up to new things.
I am desperately in need of friends. Yet I am afraid of asking for one.
When I am told that I will be living alone, I was lost. All of a sudden the path that I was walking on disappeared. The person I was holding on to all the time was gone. I was left in darkness.
I was depressed. Being alone hurts me most.
Am I not able to walk on my own? Have I always been walking on others' feet, letting them carry me wherever I go, with me just compromising them?

Maybe.

That is why I have not been able to make my own decision. I don't know what's good for me. I don't know what I want.

But I cannot.

Sometimes I just want to say in people's face:

You are ugly.
You are fat.
You are fussy.
You sleep too much.
You talk too much.
Shut up.
I am the best.
I am the prettiest.
I am the nicest.
You are nothing compared to me.
You are a loser.
I play the piano better than you.
I hate your face.
I hate the way you talk.
You are irritating.
You are annoying.




But I cannot.

Home

I've been thinking about this a lot. Four more months til I get home and what I should do when I get back.

Stay in for one whole week. Explore my new house, rolling on my new bed, chase after my dogs, spear my own fishes.
Go to the gym. But in order to do that I must get used to driving again. Else I'll need to walk in extremely hot weather or learn how to take a bus.
Create a 10 course meal for dinner. It can be that, or have a 10 course meal at a Chinese restaurant. <3
Be Queen for a day. Do whatever I want. HEE.
Eat roti canai for breakfast! Since I'll be arriving at 6am. WOOHOO.